It took five instances in ONE DAY of seeing 'alot' in posts on the Internet. I had officially had enough of bad spelling and grammar that seems to replicate with the alien-like speed. This blog is my attempt to halt its progress! Feel free to submit any doozies you come across.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Haven't I said this before? NO CAPS LOCK!

I have said it before ... caps lock is the Internet equivalent of yelling.  It is made even more distasteful by mucking up your spaces, apostrophes, exclamation marks, and spelling, all of which this poster manages to do.  And what does 'McDonaldsdis the worst thing inthe world exept it tastesgood' actually trying to say?  Either it is the worst thing in the world, or it isn't.  Right?

That must have been exhausting to type!  And how many full stops can you count?  Zero.  That's right, none at all.  Here's a funny picture for you: a woman standing in the middle of a shopping centre, screaming out the above to no-one in particular, without taking a breath.  Oh dear.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Another reason to watch the autocorrect

As if you needed another reason to be very careful with the autocorrect function on your phone or computer, here is a fresh unfortunate example.

Okay, so I get that she is still wobbly in the tummy (not 'rummy').  But for the life of me I can't imagine what 'club' is actually referring to!

Except, I wouldn't want my club hanging out over my pants.  Particularly because I am female!

Monday, April 9, 2012

I Squeed myself ....

Have you ever seen the term 'SQUEE' in an Internet post?  It is usually written in all caps with multiple exclamation marks following, for example: 'Santa is coming tonight!  SQUEEEEE!!!!!'  I suppose it approximates a squeal-like sound.  The example below is a bit unfortunate though.

Kind of spoils Easter, doesn't it?  I certainly don't want to eat, or even touch, any eggs the poster may have squeed on!  Moral: use all caps and plenty of exclamation marks after the term to avoid confusion and general horror.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Lost in translation

This was a comment on an article about a toddler climbing a rock wall.  It started out okay, but disintegrated into meaningless strings of words a third of the way through.

I'm really not sure if the poster is pro toddler-climbing or against, or whether the choice of footwear is crucial in that decision, or if she just got distracted by little itty city (sic) shiny things.  So even though this post is titled 'Lost in translation,' I actually couldn't translate it!  Do you think it is even English?  Perhaps a new Pidgin form of Net-ese?  Maybe I'm thinking it through a little too much and it's simply just BARELY LITERATE.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Have a tea break first ... this is a long one

Unhappily, I encountered this wordy post.  See how many problems you can count with Part One, below:

... and Part Two:

Most of the post is, incredibly, one sentence.  It not only recounts whole conversations, but then goes onto a bit of preaching, with a bit of clumsy spelling and disregard for punctuation on the way.  It must have taken a very long time to type.  But hey!  She did spell 'apologise' correctly.  (Here's another challenge for you: see if you can find 'apologise' in less than five seconds.)

Saturday, March 17, 2012


Everyone knows that when you are posting in an online forum, if you make a mistake you quickly follow up with another message with the correction preceded by a *.  For example, if I misspelled 'horse' as 'hearse', I'd quickly follow up with '*horse', to save myself unnecessary embarrassment.  Usually posters add a few exclamation marks and a LOL and perhaps a few LMFAOs to make it absolutely clear it was a boo-boo.  The poster below had the best intentions, I'm sure.  But if I were to give him/her a tip, it would be to check that your *correction is, in fact, correct.

Otherwise you'll look very silly!

Friday, March 9, 2012

I gotta say it all before I forget what I was saying

You know the feeling.  You have a lot to say - or type out - and you don't want any RUULY RUULY important point you were going to make slip your mind.  You go the short route: either don't take a breath, or like the poster below, don't bother with that bothersome punctuation stuff.  That'd be rediculous!

Sometimes, rather than punctuation, a few well-timed 'lols' will do, I guess.  Lol! 

Or lots and lots of exclamation marks!!!!!!!!? !?!!

Perhaps you can make up your own, innovative punctuation system for the 21st century.

<Sneer> While I like the creativity and the artistry of this poster <snort>, I think I'll stick with the more usual, recognisable and readable method of punctuation.</sneer><Hee, hee, hee><!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!>

Sunday, March 4, 2012

eh, i don't need them capital thingies!

I love full stops.  I love how they illustrate where - if a sentence is spoken - a natural pause lies at the end of a thought or idea.  I also appreciate full stops in long paragraphs, as they break all those thoughts into manageable chunks.  The poster above, however, doesn't seem to recognise the distinction between a comma and a full stop.  I also like capital letters, which both the above poster and the below have only a passing acquaintance with.

Sentence.  Full stop.  Capital letter=new sentence.  Full stop.  Is there a complexity here I'm not aware of?  I don't believe it to be all the result of the use of mobile phones, because some brackets have snuck into this one.  And if you can put in a comma, you can put in an apostrophe (a 'teachers' assistant?  Really?).

The scary bit is that examples like this are the rule - not the exception.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Plz don't use all caps, n other stuff

I do wish people could use who words when posting to the Internet.  I know it's hard on a mobile phone.  I know it's slower.  But I do so hate when I have to decipher each word - because it is so much slower!  I tend to skip right to the next message because it is simply TOO MUCH WORK.

See what I mean?  I lost track halfway through.  I still don't know what it means.

My next snippet involves the most basic Internet communication faux-pas that can be made.  Do this, and readers will actually cringe in front of their screens.  I find it difficult to believe people still commit this error so frequently - why hasn't anyone told them?  Are they scared?


Tuesday, February 28, 2012

From the Santa archives, some presents for u

Christmas is a great time of year for your classical, old chestnut type of debates.  This post is in response to a question about making kids sit in Santa's lap.  I think the poster doesn't agree with this practice, but I'm not exactly certain why, and who can say what possessed her to put commas in those locations.  Maybe Santa or other Internetty-type magical being chopped out some critical connecting words from her sentence when she posted it?

Is it morally right to tell kids who are not your own that Santa is not real?  Of course it isn't and the above poster knows that, hahaa.  I like the extra consonant in everybodyy because it sounds like a crying, whiny kid is saying it, though.  You wrecked it for everybodyyyyy Neil!  Everybodyyy!  

I was always told a short story is a good story.  In response to a question like 'Should you tell your kids Santa is real?', I might write a sentence or two.  I would not report entire conversations, word for word.  She said this.  Then I said that.  I just looked at her etc. etc. etc.  I like the poster's story, but it could have been way, way shorter and way, way more people might read it to the end.  I would also advise the use of some punctuation, like quotation marks, to GIVE OUR EYES A REST.  I'm not judging though, lest I be judged.  That's scary!

I don't know about you, but I picture the poster's kids sitting there as she preaches about the history of Christmas and roman pecans and traditions and ROLLING THEIR EYES.  Is it over yet, Mama?  Just let me know when you're finished taking all the magic bits out of Christmas and replacing them all with cold, hard facts.   All of this was unnecessary, unless who she was really preaching to was the other posters (and we know this was of course the case, because she is the better parent, you know, not filling her kids heads with glittery rubbishy ideas).  This is what she could have written:  I will tell my kids the history of the Christmas celebration, starting from Caeser.  Even though my kids' Dad is a Wiccan, I will tell them who is the reason for the season.  OK?

I like the sentiments in this one.  Even though we can't give Santa a capital letter and give him Proper Noun status, as long as you have the spirit of Christmas is in ur (ouch!) heart, then santa is real.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Their going to lose there mind, like me

I think the kids are going to wonder what's wrong with there parent if they don't know the difference between there and their.  I can cope with sometimes leaving space between commas and text and sometimes not, but the spelling teamed with the lack of any other grammar is just making me want to bash my head on something.  And then another comment by the same poster!  If you can tell me what it actually means I would be very grateful.

There again.  It would have to be one of the most commonly misspelt words on the Internet, along with your/you're.  This one also has the gift of odd comma spacing, but I'll give the poster a break and blame that on the device used.  It can be hard focusing on grammar when you are writing with your thumbs, I guess.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

I wanna be teated right, y'all!

Wow, really, I wouldn't want to be seen as 'extream', whatever that is.  A topic like breastfeeding brings out all sorts of posters, especially the ones that can't spell.  I just see someone who probably hasn't finished high school. Of course it's rediculouse to suggest breastfeeding makes you a better mother.  Good spelling might though!  Lol!  Just wow.

I kind of like the effect of the misspellings here.  They make what the poster is trying to say so much clearer.  Aeroplane seats that are much more roamy!   I don't know about you, but I like a seat I can roam about in.  And 'time the airlines stopped teating it's paying customers like cattle'!  Have you been teated on a flight?  I think I'd be complaining about that.

Spelling, good or bad, makes a difference.  If you can't spell, I don't want to read what you write.  Although it is sometimes good for a laugh.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Lesson One: Punctuation Really Helps!

I really, think, that having, the proper punctuation in the right places, like, really, helps.  I don't know about you but when I read a post like this I picture a hippy, like, talking really slowly and pausing every word or two for effect.  I certainly don't picture anyone worth listening to.  A shame, because what the poster says isn't that bad.  Spelling I'll get to later!

Now this guy is yelling WITHOUT taking a breath.  It's a real hard slog reading through that, isn't it?  I'm sure it wouldn't seem half as irritating with some well placed commas and full stops.  Although that might further stuff up what we have.

I did think hard about posting this one.  No-one wants to have to read about such problems unless they are really motivated to.  But I just couldn't resist all those exclamation marks!  At the end of each sentence!  It's as if this mum is simply squealing with the joy of it all!  When we know she isn't really!  Someone should let her know that if she uses MORE THAN ONE exclamation mark everything seems much more urgent!!!!  Haha!!!  Geddit?

Sunday, February 19, 2012

OMG, a fowl!

I love this example.  The sentence They say the use of fowl language is due to a small vocabulary is just simply too wonderful to be true.  But it is true!  The poster then goes on to talk about competant people and gillard..reward [ing] those she is indebted too.  I feel like a a little Christmas present has come early!  I'm certainly not treating the poster as seriously as he obviously would like to be.